It’s time for a grief and loss art activity. We’re going to make a Comfort Box! Finding comfort through grief can be extremely difficult. I think one thing that makes it this way is that sometimes, we have no idea what we even need. I mean, how can you know? You’ve had this awful loss occur and you’ve never dealt with this kind of thing before. So, there’s no way of knowing for sure what could possibly bring you comfort.
It’s not until something else happens, like someone says something or doesn’t say something. Or when someone does something or doesn’t do something. That’s when we realize whether or not those words or actions actually provided us with some comfort.
Then, just because something gives you comfort one week doesn’t mean that thing will continue to provide you with comfort the following week. And it’s the other way around too. You may hate something at first, then find several months later that that very thing has become helpful. Like I will often say here…grief can be weird. You can’t know until you know.
Purpose
The purpose of this Comfort Box art activity is to discover what you think might be helpful for you in the present moment. Because grief can manifest into so many things, it can be overwhelming when someone asks you, “Is there something I can do?” or “What do you need?” The obvious answer would be, “Make the loss unhappen.” But unfortunately, since that’s not going to be fulfilled, we need to try to discover what would be next in line.
Sometimes, it’s simple things:
- someone bringing you some meals so you don’t have to worry about cooking for a few days
- if you have kids at home, maybe someone taking them out so you can be alone for a few hours
- feed or walk the pets for you
- sitting in a bubble bath
- taking a walk
- just sitting in silence
Other times, it’s bigger things:
- moving to a new state or country
- buying all new furniture due to painful memories
- ending friendships
- getting a new job or embarking on a new career
- starting a website/blog on grief
This is just a start but as you begin to think carefully about where your energy is going at this moment in time, you’ll find out just what kind of comfort it needs to land on.
Materials
- small craft box (You can find these for about $2 at Michaels. They usually look something like the picture on the right. You can go bigger if you like, but it’s more surface to cover. There’s another box option below if you don’t want to decorate.)
- acrylic paint (you can get small bottles of inexpensive paint at Michaels or Walmart. They usually cost around $1.)
- small paintbrush
- paper
- scissors
- pen or pencil
- photos and/or magazines for cutting (optional, see below under Extra Options)
- felt or fabric (optional)
- glue (optional)
Instructions
- The first thing we want to do is decorate our boxes. You can do this with acrylic paint. You can also make this step super simple by just choosing to paint it one solid color and leaving it at that. Your goal is to choose colors that you find comforting. If you want to paint more than that, you can do anything you like. If you find polka dots comforting, put some on there. If you like emoji faces, you can do those, too.
- After you’ve decorated your box, you’re going to take scissors and cut up some small slips of paper. Ones that are big enough to write on but small enough to fold and place into your box.
- Once you’ve got your slips of paper, you’re going to think very carefully about what would bring you comfort in your grief right now. You can use some of the examples that I listed above, if they stood out to you, or you can think of something completely different. Whatever it is, it has to be what you feel you need or want in this moment.
Extra options:
- Instead of a painting a box, you can find already decorative gift boxes or hollow books to use. These are a little more expensive but a good alternative if you don’t want to bother with painting. There are lot of these at Michaels. You can see an example of a hollow book in the pictures on the right. It looks like a book but you open it up and it has a nice, empty space to put things in. I love to get these even when I don’t have a specific plan in mind for them. They come in all kinds of sizes, too.
Instead of writing down what you’d find comforting, you can always cut out or print pictures and place those in your box. Photos are also good for this activity (you might find placing a photo collection of your loved one inside to be most comforting). Or you can do a combination of all of this and writing.- You can cut out felt or fabric to line the inside of your box with glue, if that adds to the comfort effect.
My Result
This is my most recent result of a comfort box. I did this activity with my family a few months ago. At the time, what I found most comforting was writing down some of the goals I had. For a long time, grief made me feel like I didn’t really care much about doing anything. And sometimes, I still feel that way. Often, the idea of accomplishing anything at all, seems completely pointless when you lose significant people that you loved and who loved you. But as time has gone on, sometimes the ongoing anger or resentment I feel at how grief has altered my life makes me want to strike back and accomplish something. Sometimes I just feel like saying to the universe, “You may have destroyed my dreams but I’m going to at least accomplish this other one. So there!”
Some examples of the things I wrote down to store into my box:
- Find more people in my life and my kids lives who we feel a sense of belonging with
- To sleep well (Nightmares have and continue to torment me ever since my late husband was first ill)
- Silence
- Finish my degree in Art History (done as of June 2023!)
- Meditation
There are more but these are the ones I felt most comfortable in sharing right now. I’m glad to have accomplished my degree as that’s no small thing. That has given me a lot of comfort just because it was something I’ve wanted to do for many years. I’ve also gotten in more meditation, which always helps since it encourages freeing the mind from thought and there are a lot of things I’d prefer not to think about. Unfortunately, I am still a terrible sleeper, I haven’t found more people that I trust, and I’m not sure I’ll ever have enough silence. If I were to make another comfort box, I would put these same things inside.
If I had made one of these in the earlier stages of my grief, you would have seen things like moving to a new state or buying new furniture because those were things I wound up doing then.
Your Result
So, here’s where I’ll let you loose to form your own comfort box. I’m hoping this activity helps you find and process some of the things you need and want. Going through grief is never easy and every single person who is suffering through it deserves some comfort. Not just some really, but a lot of it.
This is good activity to revisit later, just to see if what you needed for comfort then is the same as it is in the present. Your results can be a good indication of how you have changed through grief. For example, if you do this activity in the early stages of grief, you may only find comfort in wanting to be alone or moving to a new place. But a year later, you may find that you really want to connect with more people now or want to take a class for something new you’d like to learn.
If you try this activity and would be comfortable sharing it with me and others, I’d love to hear about it. You can also send me a picture of your comfort box at nikki@grievingarts.com. Hearing about the grief journeys of others and what would give you just a little bit of inner peace is always helpful to all of us. Please let us know in the comments below. Supportive comments only from everyone!