It was difficult to decide on a grief art activity to talk about first because there are so many to choose from and I have enjoyed them so much. But art has always comforted me, whether I’m in good spirits or the complete opposite, so I’m a little bias. In time, I will be adding more and more of these activities and hopefully you will like them as much as I do. But for this first one, I decided on one that I call “Locked Out”. It’s one of my favorite therapeutic art activities to do for the subject of grief and loss.
A common experience that occurrs once grief comes into our lives is the Outsider Syndrome. Sometimes, we can’t explain this feeling to others or even to ourselves right away. It’s just a feeling that we have. In the early stages of grief, it seems obvious as to why that feeling is there. We feel “different” than everyone else in our normal surroundings because we have had this awful loss occur and they haven’t. Of course, there are exceptions, depending on the loss, and how it affects, for example, fellow family members. But in the regular world with friends, coworkers, their families, etc…there is often a feeling of no longer being able to relate to any of them.
Purpose
As time goes on, the reasons behind not being able to relate to others becomes more than just losing that person. The initial passing is, of course, the ultimate reason, but with it, comes a lot of other losses. And those losses, or reasons, can be different for each individual, depending on their situations.
For example:
- Loss of growing old together
- Loss of future children
- Loss of friendships
- Loss of family
- Loss of future memories
- Loss of focus and coordination (Grief Brain)
- Loss of love
- Loss of material possessions
- Loss of hope, optimism, positivity, trust, faith, peace, etc…
- Loss of interest in once enjoyable things or places
- Loss of intimacy
- Loss of yourself
There are many more than what’s on this list, so if you don’t see one that speaks to you, that’s fine. Your heart and feelings usually know what loss is hurting you the most. And that’s what this grief art activity is about. Because as the days, weeks, months, then years go by, everyone surrounding you returns to their normal lives. You can’t do that. Your normal life is gone. And as you struggle to find some kind of new normal, it can help to know what losses you are grieving the most. If you know, then eventually you can make some stab at trying to create that new normal…once you decide you’re ready.
Materials
- keyhole template
- scissors
- glue (liquid or sticks)
- construction paper (any color)
- colored pencils or markers
Instructions
I am an artist but I know many people aren’t and I want a lot of my grief art activities to be friendly and easy for everyone. You don’t have to be a highly skilled graphic designer or the reincarnation of Leonardo da Vinci to do art. I usually like to make the initial task as basic as possible but with room to elaborate if someone wants to be extra creative.
So, for this activity, I will try to list the steps as simply as possible.
- Print and cut out your keyhole.
- Choose a sheet of construction paper in the color that matches the current mood of your grief. (Some quick suggestions if you’re not sure what I mean: Red = Anger, Blue = Sadness, Gray = Melancholy/Depressed, Brown = Heavy/Dull, Black = Darkness/Death)
- Glue your keyhole onto the construction paper.
- Now, with colored pencils or markers, draw something (see below if you are not sure about drawing) inside the keyhole that you now feel locked out of. It could be a scene, an object, a person, anything. Something that causes you to feel as if you are now on the outside looking in. You can choose something from the Loss List I made above or choose something else that you feel is more fitting for you right now.
Extra options:
The word “draw” may intimidate non artists so here are other options for your keyhole scene:
- Just choosing words to write inside such as “Hope” or “Trust”. You can make them in colors that you feel match that word, such as using yellow for the word “hope”. (That’s just what I think of, feel totally free to choose a different color for “hope”!)
- Printing and cutting out a silhouette of an object or person to paste into your keyhole. You can Google tons of silhouettes to use.
- Instead of pencils or markers, you can get old magazines and find images to glue inside the keyhole that represent what you no longer have now that your person is gone.
Take your time and think very carefully about what it is that you now feel an exclusion from before you decide on your keyhole image. Write some ideas down on a separate piece of paper if you need to. For some people, the answer will come right away while for others, they may have to ponder it for awhile. If you’re having trouble, think of a time you were with friends or family or even just out at a store and your grief was highly triggered by something. What was the something? For example, did you see a couple holding hands? (Loss of intimacy) or a happy family? (Loss of family). Another example: maybe some friends that you had always thought would be there for you suddenly began ghosting you or treating you completely different (Loss of friendships).
For this exercise, it’s best to try to choose just one thing for your keyhole – the thing that causes you to feel the most grieving “charge”. This way you can pinpoint what is bothering you the most right now. But I’m not going to limit you if you find that you desperately need to add something else.
This is also an exercise that can be done again and again. You may find much later that you still feel locked out from whatever you chose now or maybe you’ll discover that something else has started bothering you more.
My Result
I try to post a personal example so that you can get some ideas of your own. Sometimes, it helps to stimulate inspiration when you see someone else do it first. At the time that I did this grief art activity, I chose to do it in my art journal so I could be loose about it and not worry about fine detail. In fact, whenever I show my own results from grief art activities here, they are often from my art journal. Not everyone has one of those so I modified the instructions to fit people who don’t. If you happen to have one, feel free to use it for this or any activity on this site!
So, here’s my “Locked Out” grief keyhole. 
I chose the color black to surround my keyhole because that’s exactly how grief feels in my soul. On this site, I will often refer to this feeling as “The Void” because that’s just exactly what it feels like. I can’t think of any other way I want to describe it.This empty, black hole like space that can never be filled after the loss of the dreams that will never get to exist in my reality.
I thought very carefully about the scene inside even though the answer pretty much came to me right away. What bothers me most about losing my spouse is the loss of all of my family dreams. So, I chose a silhouette that represented my original family. I’ve mentioned some of my story on my About Me page already but I can explain a little further because of this art exercise. I grew up in a family that just wasn’t emotionally nurturing enough for me and my too sensitive soul. I especially longed for a good father experience because mine felt very emotionally absent. I was super close with my grandmother but she lived very far away and I never got to see her very much (too bad FaceTime didn’t exist then). Anyway, I always figured that I’d make the best of this until I grew up and started my own family, one that I could live with and feel like I belonged in. If my future kids could have the father experience, then I’d be happy and totally satisfied.
I had one serious relationship that I had to leave because it became clear that that person was not interested in family dreams or any of my dreams, when I think about it. But when I met my late husband, Charlie, I thought I would finally get a chance to have the family I always wanted. He was a terrific dad, and very briefly gave me those father/child experiences that I so very badly wanted. I can’t even begin to describe how glorious it felt to my soul to have this man who made me and our kids the ultimate priority.
After we lost him to cancer, I no longer had someone to create this dream with, someone who had wanted it as much as I did. Everyone else had families already anyway so they weren’t all that interested in ours. Being around other intact families hurt and even now, it still hurts. Honestly, even though I am in a new relationship with a wonderful person, I still have a lot of trouble dealing with the destruction of my original family. I’m beginning to think that I always will. And to make things worse, some families that my children and I have been around have made a point of letting us know that we are outsiders and can only come so close. We’ve also experienced families or friends claiming that we are their family but their actions say otherwise. I learned through grief therapy that all of these feelings and experiences are common, which is both comforting (cause then we’re not crazy) and saddening.
So, this keyhole silhouette represents me, my late husband, Charlie, and our four children and the dream that we are now locked out of forever. I added the hearts and the happy, colorful beach scene using watercolor pencils.
Your Result & The Benefits
It’s your turn! No matter what it is, I want to hear your grief! Especially if you’ve had people in your life making you feel like your feelings don’t matter or they just can’t understand what you’re going through. Anything or anyone that is making you feel like you’re on the outside looking in, tell me about it. I want you to know that you matter here and will not be judged or shamed. Supportive comments ONLY from both me and others! So, if you decide to do this grief art activity and feel comfortable enough to share your experience, please let us know in the comments below. I’d love to support you on your journey. You can also send me a picture of your comfort box to nikki@grievingarts.com.
There can be a freedom in art that you don’t get in day to day life. Since it’s a form of self expression, you can often demonstrate a feeling or a thought through an image rather than words. This is especially beneficial for emotions that you have trouble describing or if you’re like me and have trouble talking to people in general. But if you need support or have any questions, you can talk to me here all you like.
Take good care, you are important!